My Slow Evolution

Something has got to give. I feel lost in all of this instead of empowered. There is a tape playing somewhere- I can feel that I "swallowed" something. I am angry, fighting, envious- all the lower vibrating energies that I thought I left far behind. I feel as though I have "backslid" even though I don't really believe in that- Something within me, that once was strong, capable and completely serenely aware and in tune is now scattered, lost, and feeling very alone and out of love with me. I am afraid that I don't have any friends. I am not sure, but perhaps I deserve this as I seem to push all away from me that comes close. I am not certain I understand it- but this is my prayer- please help me to reconnect with my own heart, my own truth, my own sovereignty. I feel unbalanced, unsure...

Now I have experienced the energy of what it means to have a storefront that will be utilized in the 5th dimension- the energy is rushing towards a friend and his endeavor. I can see it clearly for what it is. Why can I not see my own success so clearly? As my friend Flax tells me- "Go with the Flow" wise words indeed, but hard to live with when you feel as though you have something to bring into the world but spin on the "how to".

I wonder where my own community is? When will I hook up with them? I worry that I'll be left out of the celebrations- my isolation makes me paranoid. I know that my ideas are beautiful and yet I have no energy to pursue them. I need to identify my own source of flow and re-align with that. I depend too much on others to feed me energy when I should be the sole fount of the emerging creativity.

I feel that my heart is palpitating, stuck, unopened. I can feel what it would be like to be grounded in my heart energy and yet I am not. I continue to concentrate on the feeling at center but it does not budge. I wait.

I had the reconnection done and yet I am still spinning in one place. I cannot feel any forward momentum. I need to just relax my thoughts about this current place of being and just live with it for awhile until the energy shifts again. My main concern is Am I missing the boat on preparing Insanctuary and The Language of Light to be my storefront for the new world? Should it even be a concern? Who the heck can even answer this type of question?

Time to take a close look at the tapes playing in the background...

Also, I was at a stage where I was no longer interested in the "world" so to speak- but I find that like a car wreck, I can't look away. Does this mean I am being pulled back in to the lower vibrating energies? I need to find my peeps and my support here soon.

This energy of confusion and isolation and disconnect is not healthy for me or the planetary consciousness so I desire a quick turn-around. My angels and guides- I desire a quick turn-around...